➤ Personal blog

Random ramblings about my daily life.

26th May 2024
Are you lying? The words you use are not the right size for your thought. The words you use are too big for the things you’d like to express. Why do you use big words if your thoughts aren’t as big? Why do you use those words? Is it the truth you want to tell? I think you just want to tell something beautiful. But truth and beauty are not the same thing. It doesn’t imply they are incompatible, for they can meet (see mathematics). But they also are often mistaken with each other (see philosophy). Truth and beauty, they are not the same. I know a lot of words that sound beautiful: eternity, absolute, God. But they are almost always used to tell lies. Choosing to use big words is no innocent decision. Because truth requires clarity, while playing with ambiguity is the perfect way to lie.
24th May 2024
Nine months have passed. But they don’t count. I don’t want them to count. My life completely fell apart nine months ago. Yet I remain under the rubble of the brittle structure which held my life together. I swear that I tried to get out. But perhaps I was too naïve to rely on the good old methods of dealing with my problems. “You have to start all over.” Change everything around you. Hope that it will change you, too.

  But it never did.

     But that’s all I know.
15th April 2024
Piglet agonizing on the ground of a disgusting and horrendous slaughter house
I usually avoid talking about my position on animal rights if nobody asks, but whenever someone brings the topic to the table, whether by joking about eating "meat", i.e. corpses of sentient beings, or by simply asking me why I refuse to eat a certain dish, I can't help but talk about my veganism. Today was one of those days where the topic was brought up in a very displeasing manner.

I was half-listening to my epistemology lecture when my professor said something that caught my attention: "the fact that plants and animals have certain abilities doesn't imply a moral duty towards them". To him there was a risk of making a naturalistic fallacy: inferring a moral duty from a natural fact ("animals and plants have x ability"). The ability discussed was the one to communicate, but he then said that even if we discovered that they were able to suffer (and animals do suffer, although we don't know much about plants), the conclusion would be the same. And, not very surprisingly may I say, he proceeded to mock those foolish vegans who, God forbid, say that we shouldn't eat (I correct him: exploit) animals because they suffer. According to him, when trying to justify the choice to not eat animals, we end up lacking rational reasons to support it. If you're even slightly familiar with moral philosophy, you already know that the same problem arises when you try to justify any moral decision.

During the pause between the two hours of his lecture, I presented my objection to him. He said that he agreed, but then added that veganism is a matter of the privileged and that by affirming what he probably saw as an identity (it isn't, it is an ethical and philosophical position), we would be claiming our moral superiority to those who eat animals. I will show what's wrong in his answer (a longer article about veganism is already planned for my thoughts page) and move on to rant about the type of person he represents: deeply politicized and involved in the mainstream social justice causes (feminism, antiracism, blah blah) while also completely ignorant or disregardful of the controversial ones (even when they are theoretically coherent and accepted by the intellectuals that bother thinking about it).

1) There is no naturalistic fallacy in saying that if animals suffer, we have a duty towards them. Firstly, because the naturalistic fallacy takes the next form: "x is natural, thus x is good". The argument discussed can't be reduced to this form. Secondly, because in this case, the moral duty comes from the negative value we give to suffering, whereas the naturalistic fallacy gives moral value to whatever is natural. Not only his argument was wrong, but also, I have yet to encounter a single moral theory that doesn't give suffering, in and for itself, a negative value.
2) Veganism isn't for the privileged, it is for anybody that cares about suffering. Firstly, if you really, really didn't have the choice (which is seldom the case), then you should already know that ethics presuppose freedom of choice. No freedom, no moral judgment. Next question. Secondly, plants are cheaper than corpses. You don't have to eat avocado toast to be vegan. Eat salad. Eat vegetable couscous. Eat fucking pasta and rice. Thirdly, if you care that much about the unprivileged, why don't you fight for vegan products to be cheaper? The problem isn't: "oh, it takes privilege to be moral so I'll stop being moral so that I can role-play as an unprivileged person", but "how can we make ethical options more accessible to everyone?".
3) Claiming you're vegan doesn't make you seem more morally superior than claiming you're an antiracist, a feminist, an anticapitalist, etc. I think my professor brought this up because, perhaps for once, he was in the supposedly morally inferior club. It is a common reaction from carnists to feel immediately attacked when I say that I am vegan or that I support veganism. It is quite clear to me that if people get this uncomfortable discussing this question it is because they somehow already know that there is something wrong with eating animals. They feel as if I'm accusing them of being immoral because I was probably shedding light on a painful truth - a moral truth about themselves. But in fact, I am not here to judge you. I don't know who you are. But I can know what you do. So if you eat animals when you could avoid it, you are doing something wrong. That's it.

Although I already had plenty of debates with stubborn, often arrogant carnists, this one was particularly annoying. My professor loves giving a political twist to his lectures, and I appreciate it. He frequently shows how seemingly harmless ideas might be oppressive. But what about the idea that veganism is foolish? The irony in this is that he talked about how animals could be subjected to epistemic injustice when we refuse to recognize them as individuals who possess knowledge, consciousness, or a form of rationality. But my brother in Christ, you eat a fucking tortured chicken every two days and that's the best example of injustice towards animals you could find?

There is a huge moral "blind spot" in our societies. But I refuse to look away from reality. Animals deserve respect.
27th March 2024
I dreamed that I was late for an important class. I missed half of it. Yet I forced myself to go to the 30 useless, mind-numbing remaining minutes.

While walking to university, I noticed red droplets falling on my shirt. My nose was bleeding. Suddenly, my face, hands, and clothes were completely covered in blood. I had two options. 1) Call for help and return home. 2) Don't miss my holy, sacrosanct class. I chose the latter. "At least my professor would know that my lateness was genuinely justified."

Imagine how miserable I looked. A young woman covered in blood, barely managing to stand up, desperately trying to walk while her body screamed for even the slightest attention. If a passerby tried to help me, I might have answered that I just needed to be taken to university as soon as possible.

I woke up feeling pitiful. Replace nose bleeding with severe depression: it's no longer a dream I'm describing.
17th March 2024
We always end up alone. Seldom before death, but always afterwards. I am 20 years old and my flesh is already rotting.

It's a Sunday afternoon, 2:43 p.m. I'm quietly lying in my bed. The curtains are closed.
One minute passed.
One more now.
Three. When time passes it means that we can distinguish a before and an after. There is movement. There is change.

Time doesn't exist for me.
8th March 2024
I always dreamt about having my own personal space on the internet where I could share whatever I wanted without any format restraints. I am mainly using my website as an alternative to social media. However, both function in very different ways. Almost nobody is going to read what I post here, whereas I always had an audience in my socials that I knew would interact with me at some point. I don't know if I will be able to keep my website going if nobody visits it. And at the same time, it is necessary to put aside my expectations and purely post without having constantly in mind who will see it, what they'll think about it, etc. Social media pushes these thoughts to their very extreme: we all know how people can end up staging their lives online. They are permanently aware of the Other's gaze, and they want to appear as appealing as possible to them. Perhaps, in a very narcissistic fashion, they only post so that they can see themselves being watched.

This is less likely to happen in the indie web, since the moment you post you already know that only a tiny bunch of people will give a fuck about you. You have to post for the sake of it. Merely curating a superficial digital identity is not sufficient to make you stay here.