I finally found my old tablet, which I had probably used two or three times before forgetting it at my mother's when I moved out for university. I used to draw a lot as a kid, back when it was still a relaxing activity instead of something that triggered my perfectionist anxiety. I remember how excited I was when I finally saved enough to buy my cheap-ass tablet. One or two weeks later, I stopped using it because it made me realize I wasn’t as good at drawing as I thought, and my ego couldn’t handle it. For this very reason, 99% of my "artwork" is black and white: I don’t know how to use color at all, and my incompetence is so frustrating that I’d rather not try. I thought I could challenge myself today by drawing 1) with my tablet, 2) in color, and 3) using an unusual reference for me — a non-human animal. Here’s the result: Drawing this cow was amusing, but mostly depressing. I’m pretty sure she’s a dairy cow. That means she has been repeatedly raped, separated from her children, and exploited until she could no longer provide milk, after which she was murdered because someone decided her life wasn’t miserable enough and that we might as well eat the flesh of her exhausted body. Drawing this cow felt like humbly honoring her as the sentient, singular, and worthy being that she is. She made me think of a group of cows I met during my August hike. I stopped behind a fence to look at them, and they all (nobody was left behind!) timidly came near me. I slowly extended my arm to try to caress one of them, but there were still a few centimeters between us. She didn’t try to get closer nor step back. All the other cows were watching her—it was so beautiful. My boyfriend took a video of me, and I still watch it from time to time. I wonder if they’ve already reached their tragic destiny. It is so disheartening.